Life Keeps Moving Forward
It’s been pretty quiet in here for me, my apologies. Life has been totally full, and then some.
We moved.
As expected, it was a lot. A few reflections are here:
Random Missives by KrisThe Last Two Weeks of LifeUnderstandably Stuck…Read more4 days ago · 9 likes · 2 comments · Kris SmithWe are slowly getting more settled. Slowly. Settled.
But not at all “settled". Might be like this for a while.
In the past, we have made some big moves. Overseas and back, then to the side of a mountain, however this one is the largest amount of change all at once — by far.
Moving cities, at least one kid moving on, professional change, downsizing, an acreage to inner city, returning to a different province, new schools, and more.
Adding to the intensity of this was a number of unprecedented, pretty big ticket items, that happened in the midst of the moving:
Hit a deer, wrecked a car, and walked away grateful.
Water well drying up to a trickle. No water is a really big deal.
Another car’s engine seized and broke on the side of a highway. Turns out oil is really important to engines (there was an error made at the shop).
One kid moving to another city.
Our oldest deciding, almost last minute, to come with us to the city. (So glad she’s with us and it changed a few things).
A bear bit a water line causing water (which was in short supply) to spray all over the place. Honestly, what a jerk. This is also so preposterous it must be laughed at.
As a result, in the middle of it all, I wobbled.
Big time.
And, it really was right on time. Right at peak pressure.
Or so I thought.
Barely a week later, the pressure increased again.
When we actually physically moved.
Did the thing we had been planning for and moving towards and getting ready for for months.
We loaded the truck, drove it a long way, unloaded it, and then literally woke up in a new place.
In the middle of that, and after the dust settled, it all arrived. My life catching up with me. All the spinning plates, all the things being held, all of the parts to manage.
Takeaway: if possible, build in a couple minutes here and there to breathe.* To get back to simple, the basics.
And even if it doesn’t feel like it, tell yourself you are doing a good job!
(*Like my friend Ben recommends on his Substack “2 Things to Do Today”, which often involves conscious breathing for two minutes, and presence through the day…where possible.)
Moving Outside and In
What I didn’t write much about at Random Missives was that while moving through this move, I was also being provoked in some very deep places inside me.
Both supported and then called forward by aspects of myself, my mastermind, mens group, and dear friends.
The pressure exerted on me (by my choices) was epic. It squeezed the life, as I knew it, out of me.
Replacing it with something new.
But the old did not go easily. It was kicking and screaming to be acknowledged. To be Noticed. To be appreciated.
Takeaway: know that massive change can bring up, maybe even trigger, parts of us that we manage most of the time.
Recommendation: have help ready. Have it on call. Have it in the calendar.
Help is Helpful
I say this a lot around here because it’s true.
Even though my default is to figure it out, to have the answers, the truth is all of this is easier with others. The part that I am getting better at is allowing the help to help. To receive it.
My past self took care of my current self by lining up a lot of help, having it in the calendar, and also having a lot of community around to be able to call on if needed.
I/we have so much gratitude for all the support we received. The list, at least an attempt at it, is summarized here.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Takeaway: ask for help, and all yourself to be helped.
Ask for more if you need.
Give others the gift of helping you.
(Aside: This is all assuming you are worthy of being helped. I know you are)
You Will Be There
Moving cities is an effective metaphor for big life change.
Leaving the known, heading to the less known, maybe even the unknown.
Even if you have seen the place, understand the floor plan, know the neighbourhood, and are organized for that — there will be parts that are difficult to anticipate in advance yet will present themselves once you arrive.
The same will be true through changes from relationships to work to passion.
A simple example, we brought too much office stuff, things that seemed important at the time. We did not bring enough places to put stuff. The house is different, it’s obvious now, yet presented once we arrived.
What worked previously did not work now — so we adapt.
Takeaway: strive to make good decisions and remember that you will be there to make decision(s) good.
It will be different than you expect, you will figure it out.
Give It a Week
Our son was facing the biggest change. Started at a new school, beginning high school, in a new community, in a new city with a new way to get there (transit) — he knew no one.
It started bumpy, which was expected. It was uncomfortable. I found him here after the first day…on the ground.
We started looking at options, do we shift?, what can be done?
He quoted his parents (my wife and I) back to us.
“You told me to give it a week.
So give it a week.”
He took unexpected action and tried out for the volleyball team*. He connected with some old friends. He expressed it all and we held space for it.
He found his footing.
There’s a long way to go here but a week made a huge difference.
Takeaway: it will take a bit of time for all the newness, to shift towards the known. Just sitting in that, moving forward, figuring it out might be the best approach.
(*He came home on Friday grinning — he made the team.)
Takeaways From Big Change
Practice: taking a few breaths, reset, reflect, then keep going.
Have grace for yourself. Life change will stir things up inside and out.
Things you can’t plan for will happen (good and bad).
Ask for help. Receive the help.
You will be there to make the decision good. Trust yourself.
Give it a bit of time. When you stir things up, they will need to settle.
Reflection: I don’t know what an expert is but I do know that experience is required, a lot of it, to understand parts of life.
There is emphatically no substitute for experience.
What I also know, and have been reminded again through this, is what massive change requires.
==> In sum, it may require everything.
If you are in the midst of change, or contemplating change, or totally wobbled and spun out because of it, or so damn stuck and resisting it, or simply want to talk about it — I would love to connect with you.
https://www.pointbcoaching.com
As always, wishing you the life of your dreams and knowing that the only way to get that (most often) is through massive change.
You’ve got this.
Ask: if something here resonates with you, I would be grateful for a restack and any comment(s) you may have.
Thanks so much for reading.
You are awesome!
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