To Do: Frolic
On a call this week with (a new friend through substack, wise beyond his years, great writer, entrepreneur, good man) I talked about a recent call with my coach.
I was given some homework by : visit the Rage Room, the Grief Room, and the Joy Room.
The rooms are well named, you have the opportunity to feel the associated emotion in each one.
Here’s the thing, while Rage and Grief are really tough, the room that most concerned me was the Joy room.
Kyle and I were laughing a bit about why that might be. For some reason, particularly for those striving, there isn’t a lot of time, or room, or allowance for Joy.
At some point Kyle jokingly says:
“To Do: Frolic”
Keeping a Lid On Things
Most of us are keeping a lid on something.
Perhaps anger.
“Managing” feelings that if let free would only do damage. Yet the feelings persist.
Not because we're bad people — because we love the people the anger is pointed at, and we don't want to hurt them with it.
But the lid doesn't make the feeling go away. It just makes it heavier to carry. Things build up.
What I'm learning is that you can be someone who genuinely loves people and still feel real anger at how they do things, at what they do. And they may have no idea, and that’s okay.
Getting cut off in traffic feels personal but it’s not. Stuff happens.
People in our life do things, they are just living their life. Sometimes the things they do have an impact.
While we get to choose how we respond, we may still feel emotions like anger as a result.
That anger doesn't need to come out as an attack.
But it needs to come out.
It can be managed — felt, named, worked through — using processes that give it somewhere to go besides your chest or your silence or some distraction (phone, scrolling, food, porn, drink, etc).
The goal isn't to stop feeling.
It's to stop pretending you don't.
The Three Rooms: Rage, Grief, and Joy
Heads up: there is some homework below which is of course optional yet might totally change your state and will require something from you. Note: you get out what you put in.
Rage Room
In this room, you are invited to be overcome by rage. To allow all of the intensity, all the fire, all the anger, to come out.
Scream. Yell. Pound your fists on a pillow or the couch. Roar.
Rip the lid off. Let it out. Move that energy.
Until you are emptied out.
Process
Find space where you can make a lot of noise.
Select a song which stirs you up, maybe evokes a bit of anger. (for me it was “Say It Ain’t So” by Weezer)
Play it loud.
Yell. Scream. Maybe even hit something like the couch (recommended) or pillow.
Let it flow through.
Optional: record it.
Potential Benefits: catharsis on the other side can be felt in your cells. It’s possible to move the energy. To express it and only the couch has to feel it.
Grief Room
The amount of grief we feel is correlated with the amount of love we’ve felt. I want to feel A LOT of love. All the love. As a result, there is, and always will be, a lot to grieve.
We don’t suppress grief the way we put a lid on anger.
We delay it. Postpone it.
It waits for us. For when the time is “right”. Or maybe when the time is not right.
Here’s an opportunity to bring it forward. You are invited to feel all of the sadness, the pain, the remorse, the regret.
Let the tears flow, if available to you, and to be overcome by sadness.
Process
Find space on your own where you can go to pieces.
Select a sad song, one that brings on those feelings, might even evoke tears (for me it was “Saturn” by Sleeping At Last, it gets me every time).
Play it loud.
Feel it.
Let the sadness, the grief, wash over you.
Optional: record it.
Potential Benefits: relief. Grief is felt, it steps out of the background. Tears can lighten the load, and love has somewhere to go.
Joy Room
We rarely put a lid on joy intentionally, but we ration it as if it has to be earned before we’re allowed to have it.
The opportunity is to let it come through, in real time, on demand, as it arrives. An area that I can do some work in.
To bring in all the Joy, the fun, the happiness that is all around us.
In the Joy Room: Laugh. Be silly. Shake. Be a goof.
Frolic.
Actually frolic.
When’s the last time you frolicked?!
Process
Find space on your own where you can really goof off, make some noise, have a big ass laugh.
Find the happy song! The upbeat song! The one that fills you up. The one that puts a smile on your face. (for me it was “I Feel Like Dancing” by Jason Mraz).
Play it loud.
Sing!
Frolic!!
Optional: record it.
Potential Benefits: happy! To remember how great life is. How good a job you are doing. How amazing it is to be alive.
Homework
The opportunity here is to feel and move the energy we are holding in or holding back.
Another benefit is that our emotional range can increase. Our ability to express and clear feelings in healthy, predetermined, optional ways.
Opportunity: Visit each room this week.
Would love to hear about it.
Thanks for reading.
If something resonates, please drop a comment in and/or give it a restack.
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